My new number one fanfic squick

Ok, for once I would like to read a fic where: Character A finds out everyone in the universe thinks he is already taken by Character B and that's why everyone is giving him the cold shoulder after his latest date. And Character A gets pissed off and loses it in a big way. I would like Character A to explain some things about 1) his availability and 2) his freedom to go on dates as an available person -- and then I would like all those other characters to listen.

This can be followed by Characters A and B hooking up some time in the future, fine, no problem, but first -- THE LISTENING, PLEASE.

I swear to god, if it was a mutually exclusive choice between hooking up with my dreamboat and forcing friends and strangers to realize that they do not know my opinions and my actions better than I do myself, I would choose the latter every time.